So, in case you haven't heard: I'm gay marrying Jon. If you haven't heard, you probably weren't invited to the wedding. Sorry about your luck. It doesn't mean we don't love you, we just don't love you as much. Even so, please feel free to still buy us something.
I invited my grandmother, my only living one, to the wedding. She's a devout Evangelical Christian. It's cute. She judges people for everything and feels pity for everyone because they are all going to Hell — while she is lifted up during the Rapture, next year. Meanwhile, she sits in her living room watching one-hour prime-time cop dramas and eats cookies that she stores in her oven — which she won't use because her dog is afraid of it. She has been single for fifteen years, as my grandfather died in the 90s. She doesn't date or leave the house, unless it involves going to church, bible studies, work, or McDonalds. Her house is stuffed to the gills with nick-knacks and she keeps a gun in her nightstand. When she dies, she plans to have her dog put down and buried with her. How Egyptian.
Anyway, I invited her to the wedding. I guess I knew she probably wouldn't go. She could have come up with a laundry list of excuses, really. But, her answer came in the form of a letter. Throughout the letter she refused to refer to our wedding as a wedding. She would say things like, "this ceremony you've created", or, "this ceremony you feel is important". The letter went on with statements like: "these choices you've made" and "lifestyle decisions", blah, blah. In there were also a few "love you's", sprinkled in for good measure. The bottom line: She thinks I've defied the Lord Jesus Christ with my lifestyle choices and her attendance of our ceremony (wedding) would be supporting these inappropriate decisions. Cunty. I understand where she's coming from though. She's like 800 years old. There isn't much time left here for her on earth and she is really concerned about doing anything that would impede on her chances for Eternal Salvation. Her bottom line: don't fuck it up.
I wrote her back explaining how I was glad she wasn't coming, as her presence would only sour what is to be a wonderful day. Seriously, I could imagine her sitting there, lips pursed, rifling around her purse for a half stick of clove gum, having a rotten time. So, why was I so mad she wasn't coming? I guess I'm not. I guess I'm just upset that she thinks my entire existence is a series of bad decisions. She also compared the situation of her at our wedding to me at her Bible study, as a way to relay how uncomfortable she would feel. Fuck yeah, I'd be uncomfortable at her creepy Jonestown Bible study, but its a weekly event of no real significance. A wedding is a once in a lifetime thing, one hopes, so comparing the two is absurd. My email response tried to explain that my sexuality is not a choice, although my decisions to act on it are, doesn't make it, or me, unnatural or evil. I also tried to put my relationship with Jon into perspective. Really it's all futile. She is old and close-minded and she isn't going to change. I tried my best to let her know how much she hurt me, but in the end Jesus will always win. She loves Jesus so much. So, I cancelled her hair appointment with me. I just couldn't deal.
Jon and I have been on a whirlwind of vacations: New York, San Diego, San Francisco. What a blast. It's really made me hate Ohio and all it's small town mentality and bad restaurants. San Francisco, wow, what a fantastic place. First of all, it's fucking beautiful. Like retarded beautiful. And, it's filled with gays. How great is that? So, after returning from this land of Liberalness I had to deal with Granny Full of Grace. It was a total Midwestern overload. I had to put my foot down. Why should I have to deal with someone else's shit? 50% of the world, or more, thinks I don't deserve rights. So, why should I have to listen to my old-bag grandmother tell me that too? Or my aunt or uncle? Just because we are family doesn't mean I have to like them. I mean, technically they don't really like me. Really, when you think about it, every other animal in the world doesn't hang out with their extended family, and if they were forced to, they'd probably just eat each other. This is how I can justify my situation. That, and they're a bunch of assholes. And who would even want to eat them anyway? They'd be all salty and self-righteousy.